Lies Ch'nel Told Today

Ch'nel: Wow was that guy nice! He was like "Excuse me! I'm so sorry! I can't believe I was in your way!" and then he stepped aside, still apologizing, and was like "can I get you anything? Twist? Coffee?"

I don't even know where to begin. The last part of her statement was clearly an exhaustion induced hysteria. However the first part of her statement was a lie as well. The guy was not nice, but rather pissed that we were barreling towards him in a golf cart with a table falling off of the back. Why Chiz thought she needed to lie about the angry man, I have no idea.

Train Lies

Me: Would you like me to switch seats with your daughter and her baby so that you can sit together?

Woman: Oh that would be fantastic, you don't mind?

Me: No problem, I know what it's like to travel with a baby.

What? Where the hell did that even come from. I have minimal experience even sitting in a stationary room with babies let alone trains. I just didn't want her to keep struggling to look at her daughter then flop back while sighing. It was getting annoying. After I said it I must say I got a little excited as that was EXACTLY the type of lie that this blog was made for.

Lies We Told Today: Live From The Office

A special update from the office at 1:39 in the morning. This update will include lies that all of us told today



Payson: We don't have any linens for this wedding that is taking place in an hour
LIES! She would find a ton of linen if she just stopped being a failure and actually did her job. They were just a little hidden.

Me: Sorry Payson, we're out of beer
There was a whole case of it outside. I just didn't want to get up.

Me: *written note* It's 1 o clock, we're awesome. We worked an 18 hour day.
Lies. It was only 12:30. However please note that it is now 1:42 and we're still working

Me: It's 1:42 and we're still working
Lies. I stopped working awhile ago and am now sticking around for moral support.

Payson: Yes, we know what we're doing
Me: Absolutely, I can do that

Nope. We are incapable of doing anything. We are failures.

Day -29

"Yes, the check in location is only about 50 feet from the train station"

-Me to a sports camp mom 

Alright, let me defend this one. I am terrible at gaging distance and time. Tell me to be somewhere in 10 minutes and I have no idea how to imagine 10 minutes. I am ridiculously early for everything because I'm so worried about being late because I have no sense of time or distance. No, the check in location is not 50 feet away from the train station, but it's not a mile either. It's more like 400 I guess? I have no idea! But if you tell a sportscamp mom that a location is 400 feet away it sounds far. 400! That's a lot! No, no it's not. It sounds like a lot but it's not. So I lied and said 50, which at the time actually sounded correct until Lucy told me "there's one for your blog". Upon further consideration I see that 50 was a ridiculous guess, but come on, the mom is happy and I doubt she'll know the difference.

Day 37

"No, there have been no instances of swine flu on campus"

-Me to a woman who is hosting a conference later this summer

http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S24/39/68C84/index.xml?section=topstories

........Whoops. 

Day 1

"Sorry I dropped those"

-I didn't drop them. The person I handed them to dropped them. 

"Yea, that door is hard to open"

-Hold down the button on the handle, push forward. It's not that hard.

"I'll be here all day"

-Actually not a lie. I had full intentions of leaving within the next half hour. Sadly turned out to be true.

"......sure."

-In response to a kid asking if he had gotten a promotion because a list of names on our office wall had him listed as something different